DrJasmine RGordon Ministry Soul Care Healing: FORGIVENESS: Can We Truly Forgive Others?

Author: Dr. Jasmine R. Gordon
(Excerpts from my writings on Forgiveness)

What Is Forgiveness And Why Does It Matter? Can We Truly Forgive Others?

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life,” (John 3: 16). Humankind sinned and turned away from God. This caused the relationship man had with God to be broken. In the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned by disobeying God they hid themselves from God. The relationship they once had and enjoyed with God was broken and the glory of God departed from them. God was hurt and as a result, He punished Adam and Eve. God told Eve, “I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. To Adam God said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, you must not eat of it, “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you… “By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground” (Genesis 3: 16-19). But, God in His loving kindness forgave them. “The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them” (Genesis 3: 21). Don’t forget the consequences for their actions. God cast them out of the Garden which was also part of their punishment.

The action of Adam and Eve is the beginning of hurt, “heart pain” and forgiveness. Adam and Eve knew that they did wrong and they knew that God would not be pleased. As a result, they were disappointed in themselves and ashamed. They hid from God. God in His divine mercy forgave humankind and reconciled us back to Himself through the death of His Son Jesus. God’s plan of redemption for mankind is forgiveness. God loves us so much He provided a way for us to be forgiven and that way is through Jesus Christ. Jesus confirmed that in no uncertain terms when he said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6). God's plan of salvation was to send Jesus, his only Son, into the world as a sacrifice for our sins. “The Word became flesh and dwelt amongst us …, (John 1:14). On the cross Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23: 34). That sacrifice was necessary to satisfy God's justice. Moreover, that sacrifice had to be perfect and spotless. Because of our sinful nature, we cannot repair our broken relationship with God on our own. Only Jesus was qualified to do that for us. At the Last Supper, on the night before his crucifixion, He took a cup of wine and told his apostles, "This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins," (Matthew 26:28). When others wrong us or we wrong them, we experience hurt and this causes our relationships between each other to be broken. We mend our broken relationships when we forgive one another and reconcile with one another.

How should we forgive?

There are two types of forgiveness that appear in the Bible: 1) God's pardon of our sins and, 2) our obligation to pardon others who sin against us (or wrong us). Mankind has a sinful nature. Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, and humans have been sinning against God ever since. As believers, our relationship with God is restored through Christ. However, what about our relationship with our fellow human beings? The Bible states that when someone hurts us, we are under an obligation to God to forgive that person. Jesus is very clear on this point. “For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins,” (Matthew 6: 14-15). Refusing to forgive is a sin. If we receive forgiveness from God, we must forgive others who hurt us. We cannot hold grudges or seek revenge. We are to trust God for justice and forgive the person who offends us. That does not mean we must forget the offense. Forgiveness means releasing the other person, the offender from blame, leaving the event in God's hands, and move forward with God’s help and sustaining grace.

Biblical example of forgiveness:

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-times seven,” (Matthew 18:21 & 22). Jesus was not giving us a mathematical equation or formula for forgiveness. He meant that we are to forgive indefinitely, repeatedly, and as often as necessary which is the way He has forgiven us. And God's continual forgiveness and tolerance of our own failures and shortcomings creates within us (or should create within us) a tolerance for the imperfections of others. By the Lord's example, we learn, as Ephesians 4:2 describes, “to be "completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another.” We cannot simply forgive and then walk away. We have to live with one another, and the thing that we forgave this person for may happen again and again. Then we find ourselves having to forgive over and over again which is what Jesus instructed Peter to do and what we should also do.

This answer by Jesus makes it clear that forgiveness is not easy for us. Also, Jesus’ answer makes it clear that forgiveness is not a one-time choice and then we automatically live in a state of forgiveness. His answer suggests that forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving. Forgiving is very important to the Lord. As children of God we must continue forgiving until the matter is settled in our hearts. I have personally found that prayer and fasting is one of the best ways to break down the wall of un-forgiveness in my heart. When I begin to pray for the person who has wronged me, God gives me new “eyes” to see and a new heart to care for that person. Seriously! As I pray, I start to see that person as God sees him/her, and I realize that he or she is precious to the Lord. I also see myself in a new light, just as guilty of sin and failure as the other person. When I ask God for grace to forgive those who wrong me I see myself as someone also in need of forgiveness from others whom I have wronged and from God whose grace and mercy I have need of daily. Honestly, my heart becomes tender and my spirit reaches out to that person and I am able to love without condition. If God did not withhold his forgiveness from me, why should I withhold my forgiveness from another? Forgiveness is letting go of grudges and bitterness. When someone hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge. Or, you can embrace forgiveness and reconcile to move forward by God’s divine grace and mercy.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong,” (Mahatma Gandhi). I will submit that this strength is not physical it is the inner desire or will to do the right thing as instructed by God’s Word. This inner strength is the presence of the Blessed Holy Spirit. It is only the Power of God that can do this forgiving, for, the natural man is subject to failure and must rely upon God’s strength. In our weakness He makes us strong. “… My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me,” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Courage is strength, and it takes much courage to stand up and do the right thing, such as forgive, when the “crowd” is going in the opposite direction. It is human nature to seek revenge (revenge is sweet), to hurt, to pay back and that’s not Godly. Such behavior is earthly, that’s the flesh and not of God. But, our heavenly nature is to forgive and leave revenge to God. “Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the LORD, and He shall save thee, (Proverbs 20:22. “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men,” (Romans 12:17). The Spirit of God speaks to me saying, “FORGIVENESS IS NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE IT IS A DIVINE ACTION.” It is a Godly action that can only be accomplished through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit within us and our sincere desire to please God that we are able to forgive. It is the prompting or urging of the Spirit. That is why it is hard and sometimes impossible for the person who does not have a relationship with God to forgive or to even understand the concept of forgiveness. Even the unsaved who forgives someone he/she did not do it of his own free will. He/she is only able to forgive because he/she is prompted by the Spirit of God so to do. Then the question is- Does the Spirit speak to the unsaved? Yes, because any action God takes His ultimate purpose is, and always has been to bring honor and glory to His name. God is the ultimate source of forgiveness! AMEN.

One of the most important issues that we all face in life is the question of forgiveness. We are mortals who will never be free of the need of receiving forgiveness from God and from one another. There will also be the need to forgive others, those who have done us wrong. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus demonstrated the significance of forgiveness by including in the prayer our request for God’s forgiveness and our willingness or pledge to forgive others. Jesus taught His disciples how to pray and in praying to ask for forgiveness and to forgive others, (Matthew 6: 9-14). This request should be part of our daily prayer. We are required by God to deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow Him, (Matthew 16: 24). Therefore, forgiving is a significant practice of our daily Christian walk. Forgiveness is a choice that we make which is grounded in our obedience to God and His command to forgive. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the alter and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the alter. First, go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift,” (Matthew 5: 23-24). When someone wrongs us it causes hurt, therefore, we must go to them and reconcile even without their request or asking for forgiveness. For, when we forgive, not only do we free our offender but we also free ourselves in the process.

Points to remember about forgiveness:

Forgiveness is not forgetting. To forget does not mean that you have forgiven the person.
The pain may not be completely gone. The remembrance of the event may be emotional. One can forgive and still grieve a loss or feel pain from a wound or hurt caused by the wrong done to you. That is the human part of us, it is our humanity.
Damage (hurt) and wounds can take time to repair or heal, the scar will still be visible, but it does not mean you have not forgiven the offender.
Forgiveness does not deny responsibility for the behavior. When you forgive you have simply committed to not hold the other person in debt. “Forgive us our debt as we forgive our debtors,” (Matthew 6: 12).
When you forgive you relieve yourself of the burden of the past. You shed the hurt, pain, anger, and loneliness. Now, you can begin to heal. Healing begins after forgiving.
When you forgive, you give the person you forgive, even yourself, the freedom to live in peace and to be able to change for the better.
Forgiveness is love, the love of God towards, our love for God and our love for each other.